My mind is extremely emotional.
My mind is extremely analytical.
It’s not necessarily a great mixture.
But it’s who I am…
So let’s make it work.
Here’s what I know:
I am always thinking about the future.
I am always thinking about how each thing that I say, each thing that I do, each thing around me that others say and do… how will it affect my future? My “plan”?
I am always calculating…
But what about the present?
I need to be more present.
I need to take in what’s going on around me.
What is happening now.
Because if I am not helping myself right now and focusing on the now, how can I ever help myself?
Here’s what I know:
I am afraid to talk sometimes.
I know exactly what I want to say.
I have a picture in my brain of every thought I have.
I have painted it.
It’s “perfect”.
However, sometimes, I have trouble explaining it.
I am worried that the words that come out of my mouth won’t be able to paint the picture correctly.
I oftentimes hold back from even talking about whatever it is because of that fear.
Also, when I do speak and mess up the picture explaining it, I make myself start over, which makes it hard to follow.
Hard to connect…
I know I am not perfect, and I won’t ever be perfect, but because of the picture in my mind is perfect, it hurts when I mess it up.
I am going to let my words flow.
If I make a mistake, the picture is probably still clear.
That’s what matters: Communicating the connection.
Here’s what I know:
I want to connect.
No matter who or what it is, I want to be connected.
Life is hard when your signal doesn’t reach where you want.
Feeling disconnected sucks.
I’d much rather be connected and not be perfect in my words, my actions, etc…
Than be paralyzed by fear and remain disconnected.
The future will happen as it will.
Words will be used as they will.
Emotions will happen as they will.
And none of it will be perfect.
It just “will”.
This is a continuing theme: Remember, do your best. That’s all you can do.
My hope is that I stop letting the story of my life be stopped by my own self.
My story will have scratches, my story will have errors.
My picture won’t always be perfectly clear.
But I will be myself through it all.
And that is enough.
No matter the picture.
No matter the words.
No matter the analytics running through my mind.
We will all be okay, we will all make it, and we will all try our best.
Here’s to letting it go.
Remaining present.
Connecting.
Being our best.
Being okay.
NS
P.S.
This is my 100th post on this blog.
I am so thankful for everyone who reads my posts and for WordPress for providing a platform to share my stories and hopefully help others with their stories.
I can’t wait for this journey to continue.
Nelson Searcy's Thought Sharing 