IDK.

I want to write about my confusion.

It seems to be the root of my experiences lately.

I am trying to understand my thoughts and feelings.

I don’t know.

I do things and feel things and it seems straightforward, but I dive beneath the surface and it is all murky.

Why am I feeling insecure?

Why am I feeling anxious?

What is going on around me that I can use to help/benefit me?

I make plans for things and don’t do them.

When I do follow through on them, it just feels like I “had to”.

I am making goals and the outcome is either I don’t even try or I try just because I feel obligated to.

Sometimes that’s by others, sometimes that’s just because I feel that’s all there is to do.

I am worn out.

I keep trying. I always do.

I am never a quitter.

However, I am definitely lost.

I find myself getting lost once I try.

I am eager to take steps, but once I take one, I feel like I have to re-assess everything that has happened in that step and what has changed.

It’s not even analysis, it’s just simply anxiety.

I am finding anxiety from simple things – thinking, trying, feeling.

I want to think, try, and feel.

But it’s easier not to.

Easy does not equal good though.

Easy feels like I am just stuck in place.

I feel pain and struggle when it is hard, but it helps me grow and feel/see progress.

So if I know my journey will be hard, why can’t I get through it lately?

I can’t communicate, I can’t function, I can’t power through it all right now.

But if I don’t want to quit, what do I do?

It is just leading me into a lot of “I don’t know.”

If you were to ask me why, I simply don’t know.

I look at it all individually and together, and in every sense, it feels like I am not obtaining any understanding other than I am confused, unsure, and a bit lost.

I hold a positive outlook on life, always seeing its potential.

I have support, I have opportunity.

Right now, I am truly not using either.

So, I will start there.

I want to communicate what I don’t understand in hopes of help to get there.

I want to use opportunity in hopes to grow from those steps.

I don’t need to overthink.

I just want to try.

I don’t know.

I don’t know right now, but I am hopeful I soon will.

I am searching to know deeper understanding, peace, and comfort in what I come to know.

Now, time to find that.

Communicating: Step Day 8/23/2022

NS

…

Remind me

OR

hm

…

Please.

…

“I believe a few words can change your day and your life.”