Worn out.

As it seems to happen every year around or after finals week, I am sick.

I’m not surprised – although this finals week is less stressful than some in the past, I still find the end of each semester a point to where my body is run down…

Out of energy, for sure.

 

Unfortunately, I lately have been feeling this way more than physically.

I find myself often wearing myself out mentally. Although I’ve been better with that the past two weeks or so, I still feel burnt.

I feel like I’ve thought about everything I could ever think about, then something new pops up.

It’s not annoying, just tiring.

I like thinking, I like exploring, I like learning.

But it’s hard being tired all the time.

Especially when the physical tiredness and sickness comes with it.

 

It’s just a time I need to grind through – hopefully this break will bring me rest.

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I also (feel like) I know how to prevent some of this mental and physical tiredness, which leads me to my next point.

I can’t totally control much, but I feel like the picture I have in my head of how I want to fix things is being delayed.

I realize that many people do this, which is interesting.

We often feel like we know what we should do, but why don’t we do it?

• Is it a fear of something? – In my current situation, it’s not, but it has held me back before.
• Is it a lack of understanding? – In my current situation, it’s not, but it has held me back before.
• Is it a lack of control? – In my current situation, it’s not, but it has held me back before.

 

Right now, it is a lack of the right timeline.

I am viewing what my ideal timeline would be like, but it’s not quite time yet.

I see the start of it coming, but I have to wait.

 

When you know what is coming, it’s hard to just watch it come.

I’ve been trying to figure out for quite some time what I can do in the meantime.

 

Here’s what I’ve come to realize:

 

I can do so much physically and mentally in this time of waiting, but in the end, my mind is reliant on time and not action.

 

I know the actions I’ll take once the next step of my life is here.

I just have to wait and be patient in knowing that it will soon be where I need it to be.

 

I hope I’m ready.

I’m sure I will be.

 

The time will come when it’s time.

 

NS