Today has been a struggle.
The past month of my life has been an emotional rollercoaster and I felt like today would be a day that would be good to reflect on my blog.
When I write a blog post, I am trying to put my recent thoughts and feelings on the page in an effort to understand and learn from them, hoping to grow going forward in words and in action.
(And, I post these in hopes someone else can learn something, too).
I have been trying all afternoon to write this post and it has been very difficult to say the least.
I haven’t seemed to come up with the right words or the right message, not even understanding what I am trying to say most of the time.
It is the first time I have ever truly felt frustrated while writing a blog post.
In my reflection, though, I am taken back to 4 years ago in college, when I created an analogy that I will never forget.
4 years ago, I was struggling to connect and communicate with those around me. I started blogging in hopes to do that, but I still wasn’t quite hitting the mark.
My counselor at the time challenged me to dig deeper, trying to find out why I might be experiencing this.
I eventually came to an analogy of “painting a picture”.
My eyes were opened.
When an artist looks to paint a picture, they are trying to make every brush stroke count.
Hoping that eventually, they all add up to a picture that communicates a message and provides understanding/meaning.
When I write, I am not using an easel, a paintbrush, or paint.
However, I am trying my best to communicate a message and provide understanding.
In my writing and in my life, I was feeling like no matter what I did, I couldn’t paint a clear picture with my words.
Even if I thought I did, the final product never made sense. I was trying so hard to be perfect with each and every word.
Today, 4 years later, I am feeling that same feeling for the first time since.
I thought about quitting, shutting my computer and my journal.
However, all I want to do is try.
And even though this post might not make sense or be a perfect painting for what I am going through, it is an honest message to all reading that I am struggling today.
Painting pictures is hard.
Lately, life has been pretty hard, too.
Through all of this recent journey, I have found peace in knowing I have made progress.
I have not given up.
I have created action for myself to grow and I have seen growth.
I have set my paintbrush down and looked at my picture and can confidently say I tried my best.
And my best is BEAUTIFUL.
My best today is perfect, because it is all that I have.
Painting pictures is really hard today, but I made one just for you and me.
“I believe a few words can change your day and your life.”