Stuck in combat.

When I have an idea of what I want to express, especially when it’s more of an abstract feeling, I put so much pressure on myself to portray it exactly how it feels.

It’s funny that I do that, because I don’t even know how to describe it when I tell myself I need to know how to describe it.

I want people to understand something that I don’t quite understand – seems impossible, doesn’t it?


To me, nothing is quite impossible.

However, I realize more than I used to that communication is rarely perfect.

It’s rare that I properly communicate a thought or a feeling with one person, let alone an audience of readers like I have on this blog.


I always want to flow out my feelings and thoughts in the clearest way possible.


But when I get stuck…

That’s when I get mean to myself.

I hate attacking myself, but I find it much easier when I can’t figure out something.


It’s just high expectations for something that I can’t expect to always happen – not a good recipe.

I’ve learned I can’t always communicate effectively – that’s just how it is.

I have talked about this recently, but kind of in a different way.


I just get frustrated when I get frustrated.


And I’m sick of getting frustrated.


It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to those I’m trying to communicate with when I start to shut down and get mad because I put pressure on myself to do something difficult.


So, as I get stuck in a moment like this, where I can’t really figure out the perfect thing to say, I realize that I am now 280 words in and have figured out what to say pretty well.

It makes me feel good when I can persevere and find some grasp of what I want to communicate – even if it’s not perfect.


I realize perfection is rare and especially in the form of communication, it is indeed rare.

I am learning that in moments I feel it’s impossible to find traction in a message, I just need to keep clawing for a word, because all it takes is one word to connect.

One word to connect a thought, a sentence, a picture, etc.


I persevere – I claw – I communicate.


Not perfectly…

But combatantly.


Even though combatantly isn’t a word, I’m glad I found something to help em communicate in this moment.


Here’s to getting stuck and combatting those moments with communication.



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