Stuck in combat.

When I have an idea of what I want to express, especially when it’s more of an abstract feeling, I put so much pressure on myself to portray it exactly how it feels.

It’s funny that I do that, because I don’t even know how to describe it when I tell myself I need to know how to describe it.

I want people to understand something that I don’t quite understand – seems impossible, doesn’t it?

 

To me, nothing is quite impossible.

However, I realize more than I used to that communication is rarely perfect.

It’s rare that I properly communicate a thought or a feeling with one person, let alone an audience of readers like I have on this blog.

 

I always want to flow out my feelings and thoughts in the clearest way possible.

 

But when I get stuck…

That’s when I get mean to myself.

I hate attacking myself, but I find it much easier when I can’t figure out something.

 

It’s just high expectations for something that I can’t expect to always happen – not a good recipe.

I’ve learned I can’t always communicate effectively – that’s just how it is.

I have talked about this recently, but kind of in a different way.

 

I just get frustrated when I get frustrated.

 

And I’m sick of getting frustrated.

 

It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to those I’m trying to communicate with when I start to shut down and get mad because I put pressure on myself to do something difficult.

 

So, as I get stuck in a moment like this, where I can’t really figure out the perfect thing to say, I realize that I am now 280 words in and have figured out what to say pretty well.

It makes me feel good when I can persevere and find some grasp of what I want to communicate – even if it’s not perfect.

 

I realize perfection is rare and especially in the form of communication, it is indeed rare.

I am learning that in moments I feel it’s impossible to find traction in a message, I just need to keep clawing for a word, because all it takes is one word to connect.

One word to connect a thought, a sentence, a picture, etc.

 

I persevere – I claw – I communicate.

 

Not perfectly…

But combatantly.

 

Even though combatantly isn’t a word, I’m glad I found something to help em communicate in this moment.

 

Here’s to getting stuck and combatting those moments with communication.

 

NS