Control.

I actually can’t believe it.

I haven’t thrown a fit over something in a long time.

Usually, when I become hurt, sad, angry, etc., I just shut down.

The last 2 times this happened, I was yelling, throwing things, and became aggressive.

It honestly was very scary.

I had a complete lack of control over myself and my actions.

I have a conscience… and I immediately felt terrible about both instances.

Not only are those kinds of freakouts not who I am or want to be, but they were over things that I know do not leave an impact (video games and sports).

It is extremely frustrating that I allowed myself to become extremely frustrated in those moments.

As a whole, I feel like I have had a lack of control over a lot of things. I don’t necessarily need to be in control all of the time, but it does come as a sort of comfort in a lot of moments.

This is where daily reminders come into play.

I need to constantly remind myself that I can’t be in control all of the time on the outside, but I can make choices to better myself on the inside.

Also, there are so many things that are out of my control.

I need to reflect on what I know matters to me and has a meaning in my life.

By consistently reminding myself of what is important and worth my emotions, I can at least control a few things that are extremely important:

  • My heart.
  • My mind.
  • My soul.

This also goes along with my theme for the year: Get over it and be better.

It is always hard for me to get over something that I feel badly about, but I understand that I have and will continue to make mistakes.

I’m learning.

I’m trying to grow.

I’m trying to be better.

For now, I know that that is all I can do.

 

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