I actually can’t believe it.
I haven’t thrown a fit over something in a long time.
Usually, when I become hurt, sad, angry, etc., I just shut down.
The last 2 times this happened, I was yelling, throwing things, and became aggressive.
It honestly was very scary.
I had a complete lack of control over myself and my actions.
I have a conscience… and I immediately felt terrible about both instances.
Not only are those kinds of freakouts not who I am or want to be, but they were over things that I know do not leave an impact (video games and sports).
It is extremely frustrating that I allowed myself to become extremely frustrated in those moments.
As a whole, I feel like I have had a lack of control over a lot of things. I don’t necessarily need to be in control all of the time, but it does come as a sort of comfort in a lot of moments.
This is where daily reminders come into play.
I need to constantly remind myself that I can’t be in control all of the time on the outside, but I can make choices to better myself on the inside.
Also, there are so many things that are out of my control.
I need to reflect on what I know matters to me and has a meaning in my life.
By consistently reminding myself of what is important and worth my emotions, I can at least control a few things that are extremely important:
- My heart.
- My mind.
- My soul.
This also goes along with my theme for the year: Get over it and be better.
It is always hard for me to get over something that I feel badly about, but I understand that I have and will continue to make mistakes.
I’m trying to grow.
I’m trying to be better.
For now, I know that that is all I can do.