It’s so funny how when I am sad, I listen to sad songs to cope with sadness.
Probably ineffective, but it’s what I do.
The song of choice tonight is “Call Me” by Nav.
The lyrics that hit the hardest are these:
“Do you know how it feels to feel alone?…
Bought myself a house, still feel like I ain’t home…
Are you really here for me?… I don’t know.
I just wish that you would call me…”
I definitely know what it feels like to feel alone, Nav.
I’m with you, buddy.
The feeling of loneliness is easy to get tangled up in.
Like many other bad thoughts, they creep in subtly and slowly grab ahold of you.
The feeling of loneliness, that takes over in my mind, can be described as this:
- I need someone to be there for me, but I convince myself no one is.
I miss having a best friend. I miss having that one face I could go to every single night and talk with. I miss feeling love from someone (besides my family. Although I feel that they’re naturally obligated to love me, I still really enjoy the love they give me and that I give back.)
I have many, many friends in my life that I am grateful for, but it seems that every single time I start to feel lonely and want to be with someone, there’s no single person that stands out that I’d go to first.
And that hurts me the most.
I know that I am not all alone, but it’s that there’s not one solid person in my life at the moment that hurts.
Is this something that I am distorting in my own mind? Possibly, but still, the fact that this feeling sits so prominently in my mind makes it hard to ignore.
The biggest thing I am doing to combat this feeling is reminding myself of some words of truth I spoke into my life recently:
- You begin to feel lonely when you tie all of your worth into one person and that one person can’t be there for you at the moment.
At this point in my life, I really feel like having that special someone to go to when I need it the most will be really beneficial, but I also need to be wary of tying myself too tightly to that person. No matter what my connection is with them, if that’s the only person I tend to go to, and they can’t be with me for some reason in time, I can’t let myself immediately shut down.
- There are many, many people who would love to listen to me and be with me.
- I need to reach out to all of these people who will be there for me.
The biggest takeaways I have are this:
- It’s gonna be okay.
- I need to stay patient (as hard as that is)
- It’s not in my control – God’s got this. I can control some things, but the grand scheme is in God’s hands. His plan, not mine.
I know that I’m not lonely.
It’s just hard sometimes.
But, as I say to myself every single day:
“It’s a grind. Some days you gotta grind harder than others, but it’s always gonna be a grind.”
I just need to continue to remind myself of these truths!
- God’s here for me.
- My friends are here for me.
- My family is here for me.
- It’s gonna be okay.
- It’s always a grind.
Joshua 1:9 “…Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”