Over the weekend, I was watching a movie called “The Truman Show”.
I started to feel a lot of anxiety and I felt bad for the main character.
The movie is about a man who is living his life inside a TV show, and everyone knows it’s a TV show, except for him.
I felt pain for this man.
It reminded me of one of my biggest fears:
I fear that everyone around me in the world knows something that I don’t… And for some reason, they won’t tell me what it is or I was the chosen one to be left out.
Of course, as far as I can tell, this isn’t happening. That seems like an awfully silly idea, and I would say it’s a pretty irrational fear.
Nevertheless, it does remind me of something I constantly struggle with:
I have a problem trusting people. I always question what their intentions are, what they really believe, what they are thinking, and why they are interacting with me.
I believe that I’m a fairly easy person to come up to and chat with. I also believe that I’m pretty easy to become friends with.
However, I get into these “uneasy” mindsets where I don’t feel like I can trust anyone. It’s like the people in my life that I consider my family, my friends, my acquaintances, my teachers, my mentors… they all become my enemies at once.
To be completely honest, I have no idea what sparks this.
I always revert to the thought that “well, I can trust God because He can’t let me down or run away.”
Which is true, but I even sometimes get myself to question trust when God doesn’t answer me right away.
I have come to realize that God isn’t supposed to always answer right away. In fact, He sometimes waits so long that to me, it doesn’t feel like He ever has or will answer.
God wants us to use our heart, our lessons, our mind… everything we own and to figure things out.
God knows what we can do and He made us to do these things. God knows when I’ve succeeded, failed, and why.
Another quote from the Bob Goff book I am reading is this:
“His biggest priority isn’t removing failure as an option but reminding me He loves me as I try.”
To me, this hits home really hard.
I don’t want God to remove failure from my life because I know how it grows me and shapes me.
At the same time, I need that reminder from someone that they love me when I am going through it.
God always loves me and wants the best for me. Sometimes what is best for me is to wait on an answer or to soak in His silence. Being still in His silence opens your eyes and mind to what you need to see and hear. I am understanding more and more what it means to feel like this and that silence is something I need to notice.
My trust in God is full.
At the same time, that trust feeds into trusting the people around me in my life.
When I start to question my trust for people, I realize how silly I am in that I am thinking I am alone.
Everyone that is in my life is in my life for a reason, whether I like it or not!
The people in my life are great. There are many people who care for me, want to see me succeed, want to be my friend, and want to remind me of my worth.
And I want to do that for everyone in my life, too.
I know how important those things are for me, so I want to return the favor.
My trust in the people around me is rooted in knowing that the people in my life want the same for me that I want for them:
- To know they are worth something.
- To know they have a purpose.
- To know they have a friend.
Trust is no longer an issue once you sit back and look at who the people are in your life and why they are there.
You know why they are there and God does, too.
Trust in the Lord, trust in your people, and trust yourself.
You deserve it.