Nettles.

Human nature experiences many desires, but none quite as strong as the desire to be loved.

Found within botanical nature is the Nettle – a plant that provides a stinging sensation to the touch, but can be utilized in many medicinal manners for reducing pain, allergies, and providing many essential vitamins and minerals.

I became interested in the Nettle plant through the song of said title by the artist Ethel Cain, who in this song paints imagery that I grasped onto very quickly.

As she describes the pain that is found in love at times, as well as a lack of feeling worthy of love, she begins to feel akin to the Nettle in that it can provide many wonderful things, but the pain on first glance/touch is likely too much to bear, leading her to state, “to love me is to suffer me.”

I have found that processing my emotions through music has led to discovery and connection, with myself and the artist, in ways that I couldn’t quite capture in other avenues of reflection.

This started with Mac Miller, who is still to this day my favorite artist, as many of the places he described his mind being in were those that mine sat in – the imagery, the structure of his lyricism, the poetic but potent stories he put together in his music – his music provided a young Nelson with the thoughts of “someone I’ve never met has made me feel seen and understood so well”. It was the first time I felt that way from someone I didn’t directly experience. I began to understand the use of music as a tool and an outlet. This was around the time in my life I began to write a lot as well, providing me with inspiration for ideas and stories.

However, the Nettles that Ethel Cain feels akin to in this piece referenced above are more related to a feeling I have not reflected on very deeply or very well yet – the feeling of knowing you love hard every day, and can be loved, but seeing yourself as a burden that someone may never choose to face.

I cannot control what others choose to do, nor how they see me – I can control how I see myself and how I can be a light to others.

On the days when I feel my light is dim, it is easy to feel within myself like one should perceive me as harmful as the sting of a Nettle instead of the kind, soft, welcoming sight and touch of a Lamb’s Ear.

Just because my light isn’t as bright today doesn’t mean my love and worth have changed.

It’s hard to feel that way without present evidence, but that’s what reflection is for – storing up the people, the places, the things that you have given light to already – and seeing that even at some of your dimmest moments, your light was felt, it was seen, it was loved, it was accepted.

We can’t control how we are chosen by another, but we can control how we choose ourselves.

I want to choose to believe that even in times when I feel like a Nettle, hard to love and unworthy, that I can still overcome those thoughts and find my way to the truth and the impact I have the ability to create in each moment and each day.

Help me to be strong in who I am, not how I feel.

NS

“I believe a few words can change your day and your life.”