The meaning of silence.

One of my greatest struggles, especially amidst a time of anxiety, is trying to find meaning in a period of silence.

Whether that is from someone not responding to a text, being alone and dealing with the lack of noise/interaction going on around you, or simply your mind trying to fill space with distractions, it is often unsettling to sit in silence.

The waiting game is not one that the anxious mind wants to play – it wants an answer right away, it wants to make sense of the situation, it wants to be reassured (whether it is in joyful truth or painful truth).

There are many times when silence is great, though. After a long day of social interaction, trying to focus while working, or simply during mindfulness, silence can provide many opportunities.

So, how can my mind go from being scared of silence to appreciating silence?

• When the silence occurs during a text conversation, my mind instantly goes to “I made them angry”, “I did something wrong”, “they don’t want to talk to me”, and “they are going to leave and never come back.” – I am sure there have been PLENTY of times where I have read a text message, intended to respond, and forgot to. I also know there are times where I simply don’t want to be on my phone, where texting back seems like a challenge or overwhelming. I don’t want to hold anyone to an expectation – I don’t know their situation. It is easy to want to text/call until they answer, but that’s not our job. Our job is to show love and care, and if it is returned, that is great. Or, if they truly are angry at us, they would tell us if they valued the relationship. I have always been an anxious texter – I want to catch myself before I dive into the spiral.
• When the silence occurs during alone time, my mind instantly goes to “it’s too quiet, you should be doing something” or “no one is reaching out to you, so they must not care”. Silence during alone time gives us the ability to think clearly, to complete tasks that are in front of us, to be able to read, pray, journal, etc. – The silence during alone time is much needed for productivity, and when it is time to rest, that silence holds as a place where we won’t be distracted by anything. We can simply rest.

Each of our brains has been molded into a version that reacts, assumes, and thinks what it has learned from all of its previous experiences in order to protect itself… to gather information when information isn’t available.

Re-training the brain is unraveling years and years of memories and pain. It’s not easy, but it needs to be done if we want to grow and change the ways that we tend to spiral and protect ourselves.

The first step is awareness, which I do have.

The second step, the hardest part, is the action.

No matter how far into the spiral, into the silence, we have to take those steps to get out of the place we are in.

Oftentimes, we don’t want to – it’s comfortable to keep doing what you’ve been doing.

But continuing to do what my mind has been doing is not good for me.

I can at least understand that in my awareness – I know the spiral isn’t good for me, so let’s make something out of the silence.

Silence is a part of life – we have periods of it each and every day.

Become comfortable in your daily life… become aware that it’s okay and that you are okay.

It’s hard to believe that when your mind and body are on alert, but it is true.

Focusing on truth, taking steps, and letting it be.

NS

“I believe a few words can change your day and your life.”