Eureka?

There is a battle of emotions that we feel when we discover something in our time of reflection.

The positive emotions:

1. Joy: We are uplifted by the fact that we became aware of or found something within ourselves.
2. Comfort: We can sit with our feelings now, knowing something about them (where they came from, what they are, why they are there, etc.)
3. Peace: We can understand something that felt unsteady. We are grounded now.

The negative emotions:

1. Discouragement: We now have more work to do. We know that upon this discovery, it is not even close to the end of the road. We have given a lot of energy already, and now there is something new to weigh on our minds, even if it was a good piece of learning.
2. Judgment: We can feel silly that it took us “so long” to realize this discovery. It is often something so simple, like a flip of a switch, and we can attack ourselves for not finding it sooner in our journey (we yearn for a world where we don’t have to go through as much pain as we just did).
3. Pain: It hurts to face the things that we are struggling with. It can be feeling the negative emotions, it can be realizing the internal pieces we aren’t healed from yet, or even just realizing that we continue to make mistakes and have to take responsibility. There is difficulty and hurt in all of these things, even if we are making positive progress amidst the pain.

You would think that whenever you learn something new, you would automatically be pumped up… ready for action.

The healing, the progress, it is not linear or instant.

We have the work of using our discovery and applying it to the pain, the struggle, the brokenness, the flaws within ourselves that we need to become better with in order to grow.

The hardest of those negative emotions for me is feeling discouraged.

As much as I reflect and try each day to grow and become better, there are times I just need to rest.

It’s hard to rest when you feel you are not enough.

You start performing for others and getting back to work within, clawing for worth in some place within or around you.

Your worth never goes away.

It is hard for me to feel this truth. I struggle with feeling like just being me and trying my best is enough 100% of the time.

Will I make mistakes? Will I need to do better next time? Yes. I do know this truth.

However, I don’t want to face this truth.

I just want to do better each time, I want it to be linear, I want to always be good.

But, just because I make a mistake or don’t perform to my full capacity doesn’t mean I am worth less.

I am worth love – I am worth life – I am worth peace

Saying those things out loud, writing those things down… it needs to exist in my eyes, my ears, my tongue.

If the adverse effect is occurring in my brain, I need the help, the truth, to exist in practice.

Taking action when the thoughts and words are attacking.

I’ll get there!

I am thankful, happy, and hopeful from the reflection I received last night and this morning.

All learning within reflection is good. It gives us more tools to shape our mind, our words, and our actions to be stronger, aware…

Ready to give ourselves what we need.

Whether that be self-worth, love, patience, grace… we should be ready to finally give it to ourselves if we haven’t/don’t already.

It is powerful how much we can help ourselves if we give it the chance.

Although it can feel like a strange mixture of feelings in the moment, we can see our reflective discovery as a step towards healing.

And I can’t wait for the peace in the next “Eureka!”.

NS

“I believe a few words can change your day and your life.”