It comes and goes.

I cry often.

Many of these times are from deeply connecting to music.

It’s not even “sad” crying – it’s the strength of emotion, overcome by the relation I have, or the understanding I have, of what the person is saying or singing.

Music has always meant a lot to me, and I always reflect on how I don’t know what I would do without it, so I like to share some of those pieces at times.

There are 3 songs I’ve been listening to today, 3 of my favorite songs of recent times, which have had lyrics that have brought out this sort of strong emotion and relation:

1. “sHouLd i B?” by Lil Yachty – The entire album of “Let’s Start Here” by Lil Yachty is one of my favorites of all time. However, this song specifically strikes a certain place in my heart and mind. We quickly roar into the beginning of the song instrumentally, followed by the lyrics of the chorus:

• “Am I mad at what you did? I don’t think so… but should I be?”

• These lyrics within the chorus connect with how I speak with myself. My negative self-talk has been one of my greatest struggles my entire life. I try my very best to speak with kindness to myself and be patient, but when I make mistakes in life and reflect on them, I battle with anger at myself, being mad at what I did. That anger has improved, but with that improvement, I find that I’m questioning if I should be angry because that’s how I have always felt towards myself when I make mistakes. I think my old self tied the anger with care – care that I am making a mistake. If I am not angry, does that mean I am okay with making a mistake? It’s been a tough mental battle to get out of. The answer to my questions (especially the second) should be no, but occasionally it is yes.
• Then we finish the first verse with:
  • “Why can’t I escape you? Why can’t I?
    You hurt me, you trick me, and still I
    I give you the world undeservin’, nah
    Hurtin’ me, blessin’ you all the time, woah”
• These lyrics connect with how I feel when I feed into that negative self-talk and drive toward an episode of depression. I give in, diving into those comfortable, old feelings that I am used to. I give it all of the attention, where it ends up hurting me, but I still give it that attention out of the matter of comfort and familiarity. I’ve written about this kind of feeling before on my site in reference to “THUG LIFE” by BROCKHAMPTON, specifically Dom McLennon’s verse – one of my favorites in music history.

2. “Dissolve” by Joji – This song’s chorus and base focus is about a relationship that slowly fades away despite him not wanting it to, questioning how it has arrived here. As if that meaning didn’t resonate with me enough from a past experience in my life, we are hit with a strong opening admittance:

• “It’s so hard just bein’ me sometimes
  I wish I could escape out my mind”
• These lyrics connect with how I feel when I am stuck in a loop of overthinking. When we overthink, we are making life hard. I know how fortunate I have to have many, many things and people in my life. But when I think about those moments where I am overanalyzing, anxious, and deep in thought (especially pertaining to the subject of the song), it drives me to a point where I just wish I could escape that place in my mind to go somewhere else for a change. Life really feels hard in these moments. And, after all, it seems to all come full circle anyways where we return to this point.

3. “Need 2” by Pinegrove – This song is very short and lacking in spoken word, with the meaning simply about the inability to write a song at the time for this artist. However, the few words that are spoken hit hard:

• “I’m out… Nothing here to care about”
• These lyrics connect with how I feel when I am tired of caring about the words I am trying to communicate. It’s always been hard for me to speak words that align with my mental picture, but I try my hardest to figure it out. That picture is rarely clear, and I get discouraged. I sometimes just get to the point where I just wanna quit communicating, realizing it can be easiest to stop caring. I don’t, in reality and rationality, want to quit. But, it can be very discouraging when we can’t find the right words to say or communicate what we want. Especially as someone who values words as highly as I do.

These feelings come and go in practice in my life.

Music helps me feel and understand them.

Although these active pieces are things I focus on improving, it’s good to know that these pieces come and go for others too.

The strength of emotion we feel as humans when we can relate to someone else’s struggles, especially so strongly in an art form like a song, it drives us to feel empowered to give it a good cry.

Once that good cry is done, it’s time to use that feeling and realize what is next: You are not alone in this feeling/struggle, and we can get better.

We WILL get better.

“Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.”

NS

“I believe a few words can change your day and your life.”