The 5 W’s.

I have always been a slow, internal processor.

It takes me a while to grasp concepts, thoughts, and feelings.

I am always looking deeply into each item as it enters my mind, looking beyond the surface at what might be involved with the situation.

It is funny how often we draw from the lessons we learn as kids.

Whether that be school, activities, family time, anywhere where we were surrounded by learning, there are pieces of those times we hold to this day.

Recently, I was conversing with my dad and was talking about catching negative thoughts before they turn into negative actions.

We were discussing how it is important to know the source of your pain, your anxiety, your jealousy… It is one thing to know that they are there (self-awareness), but it is another to know where they come from (emotional intelligence).

After that conversation, I have found myself daily catching the times when pain, sadness, anxiety, jealousy, etc. come my way.

I think/write immediately about the 5 W’s when it comes to dealing with these negative emotions:

1. Who: Is there a person this issue is connected to?
2. What: Is this feeling for sure only one thing, or is it a mixture of emotions lumping into one?
3. When: Is there a time this feeling started?
4. Where: Is there a place (whether physical or mental) that started this?
5. Why: Is there any understanding I have right now as to the reason(s) this exists within me?

I am seeking a complete understanding of an event or concept.

Once this period of understanding within my mind and body have taken place, I find myself ready to communicate.

An early analogy I thought about in counseling years ago was how I struggled to talk about my feelings until I felt the picture was clear.

“How can I paint a picture for others when the picture I have painted for myself is still blurry?”

I was scared that no one would understand my picture if it wasn’t perfect or complete. That I would confuse others with my efforts, annoy them with the lack of clarity, or not properly communicate it to where I wasn’t able to get help.

I have learned that although my picture may not be perfectly clear or pretty to look at, it is one that needs to get on the easel.

I used to spend so much time making sure I had it all figured out before I could share.

Whether that was to understand a feeling, process a thought, or simply to “be better”, I was waiting so long that the picture had disappeared by the time I needed help.

I was never afraid to ask for help – I was afraid that I was bad at painting pictures.

As I know in truth, but hard to understand in moments of trial, my support doesn’t expect any of my pictures to be pretty and perfect.

They appreciate me showing them my pictures.

What’s going on in my mind, my heart…

A thought is love’s currency. A word is love’s rose. An action is love’s embrace.

When I share a thought with those around me, love is seen.

When I share a word with those around me, love is heard.

When I share an action with those around me, love is felt.

I also want to think about this with my positive emotions, too.

I want to understand it all, of course.

I want to know who I am.

I want to know how to make it through, better each time.

I always try my best.

I just want to be able to give myself the patience, kindness, understanding, and love for myself in that I don’t need all 5 W’s answered for each situation.

I just need to start with one.

Because if I start with one, I have put enough on the easel to carry me through.

Even if my picture looks ugly or incomplete to me, it is better than if I didn’t pick up the brush.

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“A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean.”

“That’s why you’re my hero… because you always try.”

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NS

“I believe a few words can change your day and your life.”